The Right Social System

This is an excruciatingly important article which dives further into one of the bedrock aspects of the right way to live – our social system.

In the previous article, I have laid down the right mental models for living. What naturally flows from that is our social system. Our social system will be the basis of our political and economical system.

TL:DR

• A society must be based on truth, but at the same time hyper-competitive to ward off external threats
• Understanding male-female dynamics is key towards understanding the right social system. Much of today’s evil is based on inversion of this dynamic
• The male is more competitive, disagreeable, and rough. While the female is submissive, soft and agreeable. The correct synergy of these two powerful forces lays down the basis of a strong society.
• A society goes through begins with the individual, then the family, then the tribe and finally the confederation.
• Family is the basic unit of society because it is the unit that propagates the future generations. A society’s fate depends on the how well a family functions, not how well an individual functions. This is because at the individual stage, there is no full application of the male-female dynamics.
• The tribal chief must have gone through the natural stages of leadership. He must have possessed the might of the sword and the sharpness of the pen before residing office of the chieftain.

Table of Contents:

1. Introduction
   • Reintroduction of the formula for the right way to live
   • Male-Female Dynamics
2. Individual
   • The right mental model
   • Male Female Dynamics in self-development
3. Family
   • The basic unit of society
   • Honoring the lineage
   • Male-female dynamics and gender roles in family life
     • Taking care of parents
     • Husband and wife
     • Child rearing
4. Community/Tribes
   • blood vs ideas
   • the natural stages of leadership
   • patriarchy
5. Confederation
   • extension of tribal living
   • decentralization: the key to prevent totalitarianism

Chapter 1: Introduction

We have explained that the main formula to the right way to live is the truth + competitiveness. This is the universal framework by which everything in our life should be based on to be as successful as possible in this life and the next.

Right way to live = based on truth + remain strong and competitive

If you haven’t read the reasoning behind this formula please read this first. Keep in mind this formula as you read through this article.

We tend to sacrifice our principles and values for the sake of convenience and expedience. One particular example in social life is the idea that both men and women should join the work force, because it brings more ‘fulfillment’ to the woman and also increase the nation’s GDP. Who doesn’t like an expanding economy? More money, more happiness… right?

However this is against the natural male-female dynamics that God has created for us humans. God has mentioned that it is the man that provides and maintain the women:

ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ مِنْ أَمْوَٰلِهِمْ ۚ فَٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتُ قَـٰنِتَـٰتٌ حَـٰفِظَـٰتٌۭ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ ۚ وَٱلَّـٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلْمَضَاجِعِ وَٱضْرِبُوهُنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا۟ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّۭا كَبِيرًۭا ٣٤

Men are the caretakers of women, as men have been provisioned by Allah over women and tasked with supporting them financially. And righteous women are devoutly obedient and, when alone, protective of what Allah has entrusted them with.

Quran, Al-Nisaa’, 4:34

We find that in this verse God has made the man to provide for women. This was the design of God. When the man of the house expects the woman to “contribute” this goes against God’s design – and hence against our bios (i.e. our biological state) – and hence against truth, going against the first part of the equation.

This idea, although counterintuitive to many, also goes against the second part of the ‘right way to live’ equation, which is a way of life that is competitive, strong and powerful.

Sure, making women to join the workforce can be quickly supercharge the economy and bring prosperity in terms of materialistic possessions, but this is only short term. The truth is society is better off if women harness their natural motherhood instincts, and they find fulfillment by serving the community through charity, not employment. When women stay at home, kids get have a proper upbringing and do better in life.

According to a survey, 84% of career women actually want to stay home with kids. This is actually their true natural instincts but due to modernity and social expectations, we shoot ourselves in the foot.

This is just one example of going against the formula of right way to live to in social settings. We’ll explore more throughout this article as we detail off the right social system from the individual level to the family level, tribal level, and confederate level.

Chapter 2: Individual Level

The right social system begins with the individual, because the way he thinks, acts and live all influences society. Society is nothing more than an accumulation of individual thoughts and cultures.

Mental Models

We’ve laid down the mental models necessary for each individual of society needs to have in this article. In a nutshell, the right mental model needs to be the belief in truth and reality (God and the Hereafter) and the desire to achieve one’s true maximum potential.

When everyone (or the vast majority) beliefs and fears God, only then you can hope to leave your car unlocked at the middle of they city without getting stolen just 5 minutes later – because everyone observes moral rules even when no one’s watching or knowing. This is the importance for a society to have God.

Also, it is only when one truly believes in God that he or she truly tries to achieve his best potential. The ones who don’t believe in God does not have a metaphysical reason since he believes that he will die in vain. No true believer in God believes that he will die in vain.

When everyone works to become their best selves, they also work to contribute the best to society. The father works towards being the best guide for their children. The wife works towards serving the husband. The son works towards being good to their parents and providing for them. The soldier works towards being as strong as he possibly can to win all the wars and defend his land. The judge work towards delivering justice in the fastest and truest way possible.

Male-Female Dynamics in Achieving One’s True Potential

In achieving one’s true potential, one must recognize where are his strengths and weaknesses, and this is apparent through gender.

The male is given by God the gift of ruthlessness, strength, valour, bravery, and he shall sharpen this part of him. However, he usually lacks emotional intelligence skills and should find ways to develop this.

The females is given by God the gift of softness, nurture and she shall sharpen this part of her. However, she also usually lacks emotional strength, and should develop this.

What’s unacceptable however, is when a man tries to become a woman and vice versa. The woman tries to become physically strong when it is better to leave that to the men so they remain competitive. In economics, this is called ‘division of labour.’

Imagine when a plane crashed in the middle of a jungle. What’s the best arrangement of resources here?

It is when the males go out and hunt down deers and the female do the cooking and taking care of the children – that’s when the chances of survival are the highest, not vice versa.

Remember, the right way to live = based on truth + remain competitive.

However, the man has a bigger responsibility as he is given more gifts in life. He is given with the ability to make decisions with minimal emotional interference. He is more capable more than women. That’s why we learn from customs and even traditional religious teachings that the man should look after the woman. More on this later.

Chapter 3: Family Level

Although the society begins with individuals, it is truly the family that forms the basic unit of society. This means that the true measure of the quality of a society is the quality of each families. Why?

Because, at the individual level, you are only improving yourself, which is relatively easy. To be able to guide and develop your family is a totally different ordeal.

Additionally, having a family means you have to master the male-female dynamics, making family as the first step towards true influence and control over the society.

Sure you can still develop your interpersonal skills at school and work, but it is truly in marriages and families where things are truly at stake. Imagine living in a house with the same people for the rest of your life.

This true ‘everything-at-stake’ interpersonal relationship, the kind of ‘no-exit’ relationship is the true development of social relationship.

Leaders, chieftains, have to master leading their own families first before leading their tribes.

Honoring your lineage

The first thing to remember when it comes to family is to honor your lineage. You need to know where your family comes from, their sacrifices, the ordeals they went through, so you can appreciate the struggle.

Taking Care of Parents

When people say having a family, they usually think a family that they have by choice, i.e, a marriage. However, it is important to treat our parents with utmost excellence and honor.

The first reason, is because God said so – and whatever God tells us to do is an order for us to conform with reality – this is the first part of the equation : to live a life based on truth.

۞ وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوٓا۟ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّۢ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًۭا كَرِيمًۭا ٢٣

For your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And honour your parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them ˹even˺ ‘ugh,’ nor yell at them. Rather, address them respectfully.

Al-Israa’, 17:23

Secondly, on the part of ‘remaining competitive’ treating our parents with utmost excellence is part of gratitude. We treat our parents with excellence because they brought us up and sacrificed a lot for us.

Many self-made millionaires will stress the importance of gratitude, because it is such a powerful source. It cleanses your soul and makes you want to do your best. Perhaps this is why also God says that if you are grateful, God will give you more.

وَإِذْ تَأَذَّنَ رَبُّكُمْ لَئِن شَكَرْتُمْ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمْ ۖ وَلَئِن كَفَرْتُمْ إِنَّ عَذَابِى لَشَدِيدٌۭ ٧

And remember when your Lord proclaimed, ‘If you are grateful, I will certainly give you more. But if you are ungrateful, surely My punishment is severe.’”

Quran, Ibrahim, 14:7

Obviously, it depends on what you’re grateful for. If you’re grateful for the gift of truth, God will further open your heart and mind towards the truth. If you’re grateful for the money and sustenance on Earth, God will provide more for you as well.

Husband & Wife

And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Genesis 1:28

Marriage is the vehicle through which we propagate our progeny. This means, the quality of the children and grandchildren we have rests on the quality of the relationship between the husband and wife.

The relationship between the husband and wife is the glue of a functioning, happy marriage. Some say it is the kids that are the glue but it is actually the love between the spouses.

Yes, I’m not married yet to say this (and I don’t want to talk much really) but what I found out is that many marriage experts say that to enrich the relationship between you and your children, enrich the relationship between you and your spouse.

When the parental team breaks down, children become the biggest losers. They lose their family, which is where they build their sense of security. When children don’t feel secure, their whole world seems to unravel. No amount of baseball, dance, piano lessons or toys can make up for that kind of loss.

Dr Gary and Barb Rosberg in Focus On The Family Canada

I’m sure many of us has felt that when there’s strife between our parents, we felt terrified ourselves.

Now I don’t want to go over a laundry list of husbands and wives rights, that is maybe for another day, but the important thing here is that the relationship between husband and wife is important.

However, the main challenges are in respecting the male-female dynamic. Out of all the parts of the article, here is the most important part to not get wrong when it comes to male-female dynamics.

As mentioned earlier, both men and women have their strengths, but the darker side here is their weaknesses.

Women are more prone to be ungrateful. They always want their man to be better at many things. They always want their man to be richer, smarter, more intelligent, more understanding, although the man has always been good. This is why there’s a phenomenon called “hypergamy” which is the desire to date or marry a man who is of superior status.

While the man is very prone to cheating. A man can’t walk on the streets without feeling wanting to look at those curves on women every 5 seconds. And this is why there is something called “polygamy” which is the desire for men to have as many female partners as they can.

Perhaps that is why there is a reported saying from the Prophet pbuh about the nature of how women are ungrateful:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.” It was asked, “Do they disbelieve in Allah?” (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, “They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, ‘I have never received any good from you.”

Sahih al-Bukhari 29

This is the dark reality of all marriages that we need to accept. But it is only by understanding this dynamic that the man and the woman will be able to understand why their spouses are acting such a way – and act to solve that problem.

For example, if you are feeling that your wife always complains about you, then you can be more patient as this is arguably normal. And the man should teach her, advise her and stand firm not to disrespect him. Women are actually like kids, need to be taught from time to time.

وَٱلَّـٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلْمَضَاجِعِ وَٱضْرِبُوهُنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا۟ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّۭا كَبِيرًۭا ٣٤

And if you sense ill-conduct from your women, advise them, do not share their beds, and beat them (alternative translation: look away from her/ignore). But if they change their ways, do not be unjust to them. Surely Allah is Most High, All-Great.

Quran, Al-Nisaa’, 4:34

This is why family is the basic unit of society – if a man can master his marriage and children, he can go on to lead society because he understands both men and women. More on this on the next part where I will talk about the right social system among tribe/community members.

Parenting

When the parents have a good relationship with each other, it is easier for them to provide the best upbringing for their children.

Studies have shown that children from divorced families have an increase dropout rate, crime rate and many other social ills. (Source: find yourself)

That is not to say single moms and dads can’t be great parents though, but it is always ideal when they have both father and mother.

The children needs both a male and female figure in their lives.

If you have ever wondered what made the Tate brothers very successful, one of the reason they always say was that their fathers have always been tough on them. Their father used to treat them very tough even to the point that their mother hated their father for that.

When a man masters the ability to guide their children well, he can move on towards the next stage: to be a leader of the tribe.

Chapter 4: Tribal Level (Community/Society)

On the tribal level, also known as community, society, is a group of families, either joined by blood or by ideas. What we today call countries and nations are actually very big tribes.

Blood vs Ideas

A tribe built by blood relations seems to be the most common throughout history. This can be as simple as the small indigenous tribes or it can be as big as and complex as the Chinese dynasties.

A tribe can be built on ideas too, like when a group of socialist revolutionaries group together to overthrow the Russian Empire. Or when the founding fathers of America who all believe in liberty group together and built the tribe of America. Also most notably when the Prophet Muhammad pbuh and his followers grouped together, fought together to uphold the laws and systems endowed by God.

Despite what you believe these are all in fact “tribes” united either by blood or benefit. It is not only limited to indigenous tribes.

The reason for this definition? Simple. If I ask anybody how big or small a tribe is, they won’t be able to answer.

Less than 100 families? 800 heads? How many, and where did you get that number from?

A more consistent standard is to define by the commonality that binds them together. And that is why I define a tribe as:

A group of people, united by blood and/or ideas, under one leadership, regardless of size.

A tribe united by truth and God

With the above point being made, the only right tribe is the tribe that is united by truth and belief in the One God and the Hereafter.

This satisfies the first part of the equation of the right way to live, which is “based on truth.”

It also, contrary to what you may believe, satisfies the second part of the equation which is “remain competitive.” Just look at our world today. The most hopeless, weak, degenerate kind of people are those who do not believe and have faith in God.

One example is the Scandinavian countries. Despite being the best in no corruption, welfare services, they are also one of the highest takers of antidepressants and increasing suicide rates.

Japan too, one of the most industrialised nations but witnesses many suicides a year.

Think about it, those who don’t believe in God has nothing to do and look forward in life. Their lives are only about fulfilling desires and not anything great and beyond death.

The Natural Stages of Leadership

As mentioned earlier, the leadership goes through its natural stages.

The alpha wolf if the leader of the pack because it is the oldest, and has survived many wars and attacks. He is the most experienced.

The lion who defeated all the other lions becomes the king of all lions, and he gets all the lionesses.

In traditional indigenous tribes, the chieftain is the wisest, strongest man who survived many wars and has judged many legal cases.

A common theme is seen here: the survival of the fittest. Or more accurately, the superiority of the fittest.

Regardless of what you may believe, the idea of survival of the fittest is the ultimate truth of this world, and it is actually a beautiful thing ( will explain).

It is nature and it is in everything we see and believe. Those who are in contempt of this law of evolution will face its dire consequences.

This satisfies the first part of the equation of the right way to live, which is based on truth. It is based on truth because it accords with God’s natural design for nature and evolution, and since God is the strongest of all, God is the best exemplar of survival of the fittest.

Next, it also satisfies the second part of the equation which is remaining competitive. This is obvious when we have since over and over again in wildlife that the strongest survives and becomes the superior. There’s no doubt about this fact.

Today, we see many countries and nations going against this law of superiority of the strongest. In the past warriors who led wars becomes king. Today, those who gets speaks a lot becomes the leader. In fact some countries chose a woman as their leader! How can a woman fight in wars? Sorry to say, but this is unacceptable.

Moreover, leaders today also didn’t go through the natural stages.

A leader needs to be both the warrior and the scholar. He needs to have gone through wars, led them, and achieved great victories.

He also should have gained mastery in the law, judged many cases, and trained other judges.

And he must have had been a successful head of the family too.

This is the true Alpha, the Top G.

The point here is that he must have been a leader in all the smaller areas of tribal affairs, only then he can have the experience and the acumen necessary to be the supreme leader.

Patriarchy

Now that we have made the point that clearly only those are capable of leading (and thus of doing what he is leading) can be capable of being a leader.

Women cannot lead wars due to their inherent weaknesses in fighting. They also are not excellent to judge cases due to their inherent emotional biases.

This naturally follows that patriarchy, a leadership system dominated by males, is the correct leadership system.

This is further supported by the yin yang synergy of male and females: the males want to lead and be dominant while the female wants to be submissive and be led.

Example of patriarchy that seemed misogynist but actually the right way to live:

1. The male is the head of the family
2. The male are the providers and protectors of women
3. The female should not go out except with the guardian of another male or when it is known to be safe.
4. The female needs the permission of the father to get married
5. A female can’t be a judge
6. The tribal chieftain should always be a male

In the Islamic fiqh tradition, this is known as al-wilayah and the guardian is known as wali.

Chapter 5: Confederate level

According to Google dictionary, a confederation is

an organization which consists of a number of parties or groups united in an alliance or league.

In simple words, a confederation is simply a group of tribes united together.

It can be in a temporary manner, like joining forces only when the apprehension of an external threat arises, or long term, like when the blood related tribes under the Islamic country retained their autonomy but follow the leadership of the Khalifah.

Like tribes, a confederation can also be united by blood or ideas.

There is not much relationship with male-female dynamics on the confederate level so the discussion on the right social system ends here, and the discussion on the right political system now takes place (my next article).

The true Islamic political system is a confederate, where each tribe is able to practice it’s own school of though (mazhab) within Islam. This creates cohesion, friendliness, unity, yet freedom to practice as how one believes Islam is.

Conclusion

In a nutshell, the right social system has to follow the equation of the right way to live, and a common recurring theme is observing and respecting the male-female dynamics, which serves as one of the most important aspects of the right social system.

And God knows best